One step forward, two steps back…

At least that’s how it feels.

I know what I need to do,

(in my head of course)

But I just don’t do it.

Instead I redo what doesn’t work.

~ ~ ~

I daydream through life.

Even something as profound

As the Male Rites of Passage

Leaves me relatively untouched.

Relatively? Is that another cop-out?

Are You fed up with me God?

~ ~ ~

“Whatever you trust to validate you

And secure you is your real God.”

I know, I know, I know.

“What little he has will be taken away…”

I know, I know, I know.

Head knows, but doesn’t rule.

~ ~ ~

When will I wake up?

How will I wake up?

I fear only suffering will change me.

I’ve had it easy and I know it.

Sleep walking through life,

Talents wasted or buried.

~ ~ ~

Is this the path of descent?

The only way that I can go,

That strikes at my rigid ego?

Pride and fantasy is the sum,

And only rock bottom awaits?

How much further to descend?